Sunday, December 25, 2005
X'mas Special, or not?
I was given the best job anyone could have been offered. Free spray cans to spray on twits then quickly run away and still get $20 an hour. Eww, see, you're slobbering on yourself already! (But this offer was only for ME, Pring the what? Oh whatever.)
Thank God I wasn't one of those going, "LELONG AH LELONG! 5 for 10 dolla!! LAI LAI LAI!"
The pay was good, it sounded fun, but it wasn't as great as you thought it'd be.
1. Too much pushing around (and that includes gays eating my tofu!) If you don't get it, it means I, PRING was being taken advantage of! People caressing my ass every now and then. Nah I didn't enjoy that.
2. Too risky. I beri humji de norx, scared dua ah bengs cum tuh h00t me, challen mie on 1-on-1!! mii n0 gAnG w0rx.
Okay, so I did my spray-and-run job and sprayed all my 15 cans of snow sprays on the twits faces like I'd use my insecticide to spray the insects creeping around in my house.
And HERE ARE THE RESULTS from my little survey.
Out of 20 whom I considered twitish,
11 of them screamed as they continued walking, "NABEI! H0NG KAN NAHX! FARK LAH! CB"
4 of them stopped to yell, "KAOPEH! SPRAY ME FOR WAT!?"
3 of them turned back to spray at me, unfortunately they sprayed other innocent victims and I was already out of sight.
2 of them went, "eEeEeEe~" and fastened their pace.
They weren't enough for me. I was also one of those idiots who'd purposely spray the snow spray on uncles with videocameras. HAHA, I thought it'd give a more realistic view of how Orchard really was like at that point of time.
Or I'd kick those spray cans litterbugs had thrown on the floor and see which twit would trip over it.
Or I'd spray on those who had just been covered in the foam and just about to finish wiping the foam off their faces. "Oh I'll make you whiter than you already are!"
Or those people who are taking pictures with the Christmas tree, I'd spray snow on their faces so they look better in their photo.
Or I'd tap the person in front of me, when he turns back, YIPEE. *SPRAY SPRAY SPRAY*
From my observations, there were many pockets of Bangladeshis hanging out in a group. And 95% of them were covered in snow spray. I'd always see a whole group of guys gang up to spray them all together, and that's all they did the whole night. Who is more racist? Them or MOT? :D
Oh yes, just as you thought it must have been a jolly Christmas on Orchard Road, I witnessed 2 gangs of ah bengs stopping to settle some stuff on the side of the pathway. I didn't stop to eavesdrop, but I managed to hear a few words. "So how you want to settle now lah?"
And there was this clique of many girls and only a guy. This guy was so horribly pissed with all that spraying, he stopped in the middle of nowhere and yelled, "STOP ALL THIS SPRAYING NOW! IT'S SO CHILDISH, CAN?" His girlfriends all clapped and claimed BRAVO. HERO? Heh heh, my foot. Honestly, if my mind had been working faster at that time, I would have taken my spraycan to spray it right in his face immediately. Who does he think he is? There are thousands of people spraying snow sprays on each other, who is he trying to go against with? And that's the whole point of coming to Orchard, isn't it? If he didn't like it, he shouldn't really have come. Don't tell me he DIDN'T KNOW Orchard would be like that?
I wasn't there for long, so that's all I have to share on my experience on Orchard last night.
Word of advice though, don't go on Orchard in your favourite tee. There are stupid people going around with ribbon sprays that stick to your shirt and are hard to remove. :( There goes my new tee.
I'm not sure if there's going to be a Christmas Special by the two lovers, Camry and HVV, but we'll try. Peace.
HOHOHO! Have a happy Christmas!
Thursday, December 22, 2005
HVV IS BACK!
What I've been up to, darlings.
People have been asking about me, where the fuck I have been to, and why am I not updating MOT. Either they have, or I'm just delusional. Anyway, I haven't forgotten MOT, its just that I've been doing a little, well, undercover for now.
Because the President was so pleased with how I extracted the nuts of the indian pizza dude who slept with his wife while he was snoring away at Parliament meetings and Star Awards, he gave me another assignment and that is to go explore the Fiery Volcano of Bukit Timah and slay the Dragon, nicknamed Dra-gon. By doing so, I will attain the SK2 v.8 skin whitening cream, bring it back to him and he will mass develop it and sell it to all indians so they won't be racially discriminated anymore!
Bad move, President. You obviously forgot about The Stink.
Oh and in case any of you little punks pull that "I wanna sue you" thingy again, I'm referring to the President of Tiki Gombak Island. *winks*
Well, back to business.
Camry and Pring are currently on attachment with the CyberNanny but what those saggy old cunts don't know is, the two of them are actually snooping around for the new business we're going to set up called MOTnanny.
What is MOTnanny, you ask. Well I have no idea either, but I'll give it a shot and get a FAQ done.
What does MOTnanny does?
Alright, here's the thing. You subscribe for us for only $199.58 a month and we mail to your house a wooden stick, instant coffee mix and a bagel every month! You see, CyberNanny can't block your kid from EVERY porno site possible, so the only person you can really trust is yourself! Here at MOTnanny, we invest in your trust to make things work. First, make yourself a nice cuppa coffee with the instant coffee mix, grab a chair and sit in front of your kid when he's using the computer. If you even notice anything that reveals skin under the neck, you take the wooden stick and whack the hell out of your kid. After that he can get back to using the computer, and you can get back to watching him/her.
As simple as A, B, uh.. G?
How many questions does this FAQ entertain?
3, to be exact.
Can I ask another question?
No, 3 questions up.
So, I hope this makes you understand better our current situation, thus the lack of updates. However, there is ANOTHER tiny weeny problem. As the wooden sticks don't come cheap and we heard the cheapest coffee mix is all the way at Tiki Island, we need cold, hard cash to purchase wooden sticks, a boat ticket to Tiki Island and of course, not forgetting a haircut.
So we're thinking of retailing MOT tshirts, printing our own t-shirts and selling it to you loyal MOT fans! It'd be lesser of MOT here and there, but more of anti-twit stuff. Imagine wearing a t-shirt with hello kitty shot in the head and walking past a twit dressed like she wants to be Hello Kitty. It'd kill them definitely.
So, we need your feedback. Are you guys willing to purchase them, help us pass our financial crisis, stop kids from jacking off to porn, pissing the twits off with your shirt making a statement and MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE?! ARE YOU GUYS WILLING TO HUH?
Tell me you are, please. PLEEEEASE.
Alright, Cam is here, stealing HVV's post. Please don't hit me darling. Anyway, I want to update a little on the t-shirts.
How 'bout calling them MOTees (em - oh - tees)? I think it sounds good. Don't you? :D Do give us more suggestions!
And from the tagboard, I can see that the response is quite good.
anonymous =): maybe u guys can open a competition to the best design or something... i think if they're cheap definately they'll sell. =)
Lovely idea. It's really nice to see MOT fans interacting with us. Yeah. Imagine you see another MOTfan on the streets wearing your design. Ain't it cool?! You can even see twits feeling all insulted by your design. Heh.
But erm, competition? Okok. A friendly one it shall be. The designer with the most kAwAiIx design stands to win a 2 way sampan ticket to Tiki Gombak and have a dinner date with DarkO'stinky. Be sure you enjoy the stench!
I'll be waiting for the designs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Fliendstah Wan Sui~
Each time I open our mailbox and see mails from Friendster informing us that we have requests, I would happily jump with joy, thanking God for having so many people who love us.
Sometimes I would even go to City Harvest Church for service sessions, NOT.
BUTTTTT, I got the shock of my life today O_O! I'm so traumatised that I'm going to share my story with you dear fans now now now. Oh, I love to exaggerate. HEE.
OMFG? I thought I had eyesight problem, or it could probably be an error. A twit adding us? I refuse to believe, so I decided to check it out.
Eh loves darlings fwens sistahs skirts sms and neoprints? And Hello Kitty is so, OUT. Love Hello Kitty and loathe cats? How ironic...
That's not the whole profile, but I believe my smart fans can already picture it.
I hesitated for a moment before viewing her 28 twitish photos, but for the sake of you people, I have to do it. HERE I GO. Bless me Buddha Allah Jesus. *takes a deep breath*
*GASPS* AAAAAAAAAH. Its only 4 x 4 = 16 photos! Eh, tells alot already, I don't have to show you the other 28 - 16 = 12 pictures. They're so typical you know lah.
The whole situation is getting more interesting to me. I decided to check out more on her. Firstly, I'll take a look at her friends.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yup, that's MICH. For all the loyal readers and taggers of MOT, they would definitely know who MICH is. Her multiply link has been left on our board not long ago. :D Anyway, I went ahead to see the rest of her friends. Things couldn't get any worser than this, right?
How terribly wrong I am. MICH MICH MICH. Must be one of her sistahs she loves dearly. It's only page 1 of her many many friends. Ayer, faster add MOT in Friendster. We must have MOT II , MOT III , MOT IV ... as well! Cannot lose out!!
And since I've come this far... I might as well take a look at what she has to say to her friends :)
I believe MOT has said this before, a testimonial consist of words that says and describe good qualities of a person. Now the above chunk of bullshit says nothing desirable about her friend. Says alot about the writer.
The above reasons are enough for me to decline her request.
- 28 twitish pictures
- typical twit profile
- good friends with MICH
- types senseless testimonial
I wouldn't want her to send MOT a useless testimonial, oh nonono. MOT fans should be clever, witty and not twitish just like us :D
As much as I love Friendster requests,
I hate twits.
Before closing this post, I would like to spam our email again. TWITSPI@YAHOO.COM
Do add us if you aren't a twit. To check if you are one, please refer to our "What Is A Twit?" post. You can get the page link on All Time Favourites at the right side of our page.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Twit Awards 2005
Good morning ladies and gentlemen.
Twit Awards 2005!!
Yes, the long-awaited post is finally here. Votes have been counted and everybody must be very keen to find out who won. (Ohh :x You mean you know already?)
Nominations are CLOSED!!
Votes after 12am have not been counted.
And we'll make things fast. (kicks all twits into the studio)
So here are the results. :D
Firstly, the Most Popular Newcomer... *drum roll*
It's the Ben Chen the silent valentine with 374 votes out of 945!
(Ben walks up on stage, waving to the imaginary cheering crowd)
Ben Chen: OoMg~ tHe PrInCe cAn tRAsH eUu~ loOk~ I tRaShEd tHe oTHeR nEwCoMErS~ wOoHoo~
Secondly, we have The Most Talked About Twit! *drum roll*
It's AH WEI with 247 votes out of 600!
Let's hear him talk.
(He swiftly takes out a enormous comb from his pocket, tidies up his hair, and jerked his head backwards in a supposingly shuai ge style)
AhWei:: yeahs, im famous lerx. mai mohawk beri yandao lohx... dunno whiie euu all dun appreciate...
Thirdly, we have the The Twit Song '05 *drum roll*
It's Bu Pa Bu Pa with 1636 votes out of 4016!
(Ms Guo holds up a cockroach, swings it in front of the audience before swallowing it)
Jocie Guo: Hello! Look at me! You scared of what? Now you know why my album cover always never show my face lah... Anyway, I won! Thumbs up to me and my nasal voice. Guo Mei Mei ichiban oH! By the way, if you wanna show your support to me, pasar malam got alot of shirts with the words "Lao Shu Ai Da Mi" imprinted on it, very cool huh ^^ Go buy.
Fourthly, we have the Most Popular Male Twit *drum roll*
It's Ah Wei again with 298 votes out of 481!
(Wei the BigStar walks up to stage feeling all confident. Does the Universal Twit handsign)
Ah Wei: OH MY GOD ITS ME AGAIN!? Alamak, didn't know I so good nehx.. everyone loves me, what to do...? KK, thanx fer all da support worx, i will jiayou de! *does the twit handsign again*
Next, we have the Most Popular Female Twit *drum roll*
It's DOLLIES with 157 votes out of 427!
Here's what each of them has to say:
Diordoll: oMiGaWd.. nEbeR eXpEcTed tIs w0rSs~ dUncH nOE wAt tuH sAe. hAhAx. (passes mic to babydoll)
Babydoll: hUh, mE? (i Oso hAbEn pRePaRe mUa sPeEch NahX!) ErRs, tANkIeW tUh aLl wHu sUpPoRtEd uS n0rx.. xIeXie mAi PapA mAmA.. mAi FaNx.. aNd e DoLlIex~
Pinkdoll: *snatches mic from babydoll* yEa~ mOi TuRn. YuPx, bErI sUrPrIsInG nAhx.
Laladoll: WHY I LAST!? HONGKAN NAHZ. anYwaYx, dOllIeX jIeMuiX 184 OoHhx~
(And they all stumbled down the stage.)
Last but not least, we have the Top 3 Twits *drum roll*
2nd Twit up:
xiiaojiia with 53 votes!
(Takes out her pacifier!)
xiiaojiia: chirp! chirp!! Oops, I meant HI. Si dollie snatch my line... I wanna xiexie my papa mama... and of course my dearie, xiiaohaoo. Like tat loh, then.. tankiew eberyone nahx.
1st Twit up:
Mr OSG with 101 votes!
(Mr OSG speeds onto stage with his LANCER EVO, crashing onto the mic stand)
Mr OSG: Oh...i'm having so much feelings right now..happy cos i got the award..excited cos i first time get award...blur cos i dunno wad to sae lerx....angry cos u dont understand my expressions!
Top Twit 2005:
AH WEI with 444 votes out of 742!
(Wei walks up to the stage, uses his thumb to flick some gold out of his XL nose.)
AHWEI : HEHEHEHEHEX MIE ISH KING ORF TWITS WORX!!!! Bud then hor, win or neber win, WO WU SUO WEI~ (I don't mind) Thanx again nahz, i say til sian liao la... haix. remember, AH WEI ai ni!
Me + you = LOVE!!!!!1
And umm, for the Fav Twit Post. Of course my Habbo Hotel won hands down. (Being a humble me, I thought this award wasn't important. I win everytime! :x)HAHA.
Thank you everybody. Let's do it the Habbo way. Bobba you! :D
Yay, and we have come to the end of the award-giving ceremony. We sincerely wish to thank the people for the support all this while, without you, there won't be us. (sounds so familiar :D)
Once again, thank you everyone for your kind attention and we hope you have a good day.
I'm the oh-so-handsome-Pring-and-beautyliesintheeyesofthebeholderOK and err, we'll see you again next year. Byebye.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Nomination for Twit Awards 2005
And this is better! Why?! Because you don't have to dial to cast your vote, which also means you DON'T have to pay a single cent. :D Yay.
Nominations are OPEN!!
From 7 December - 15 December '05 (12am!).
1. Most Popular Newcomer
Ahh, need I say more?
2. The Most Talked About Twit Award
3. The Twit Song '05
I know you need help with this. But I'm tooo lazy to explain much, so you go figure it out yourself.
Never Be Replaced: WHY?
EVERYTHING IS WRONG. ooh~ baby ii lub eu n i'll neba let euu g0~"
Tong Hua: WHY?
Refer to this.
Because it's by Cyndi and her whiny voice. >:D Oops, I mean angelic voice.
Refer to this.
Ai Ni: WHY?
Because we don't want her to AI us! Oh well, don't act blur. You know why!
Refer to this.
Long Time No See: WHY?
It sounds like a new year song for god's sake. :(
An Jing (Sly Ver.): WHY?
It totally spoiled Jay's song. OH puhh-lease.
Lao Shu Ai Da Mi: WHY?
Lao shu ai cheese, BU AI da mi okies!
Bu Pa Bu Pa: WHY?
Bu pa then bu pa lor! Like we care meh?! She has good vocals, but it's annoying that she tried to sound whiny.
4. Most Popular Male Twit:
5. Most Popular Female Twit:
6. The Top Twit:
Vote for your favourite twit! The top 3 will emerge as the Top 3 Most Popular Twit '05.
Oh well, search the archives and you will know who they are. :D Yes, I'm so lazy!
Other twit posts besides the features.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
It's... Quiz Time!
It's SLOTH attacking MOT, not the writer's block or anything like that. There were many posts coming up... but Cam and HVV are just too busy dating. :D And I'm too occupied with slitting my own wrist in the corner of my room everyday.
PLEASE, this quiz was created for twits only. But of course, anybody can take the quiz. HOWEVER, if you get a result you totally detest and hate, don't complain lah! 99% of the quiz was most probably untrue anyway, especially since it came from me. Don't take it to heart. So I repeat, peace please!
And remember to write in our commentbox which twit you are.
Here goes, (Funny why I'm always the boliao person to do these stupid stuff eh?)
P.S. Truthfully, I can't stand my own nonsense either. :( Sigh.
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