Thursday, September 22, 2005
The oddballs we encounter sometimes.
Everyone is unique.
Ok wait let me change that cause it didn't sound quite right.
Everyone has to be unique because everyone's putting a copyright at their friendster profile and so KANINARHHHH IF WE COPY WE EFFING HAVE NO STYLE. And since the twits has done probably everything and anything possible, we're left to look like dirts and c0picAterrs.
Well well, no wonder twits are coming up with more and more uNiQuE sTyLeXxXxXx that never ceases to terrorize us. Don't believe me? Us at MOT have spent the whole afternoon finding pictures that will blow your mind away and for once, our ordinary, actually-written-in-english profile suddenly seem so much nicer.
But first, sign the fucking disclaimer.
Your name, hereby swears to F4 that I will not blame MOT for any emotional trauma that I might suffer in the future after viewing the pictures. MOT shall > every twit no matter what. One MOT shall rule us all. MOT, MOT, MOT!
With that aside, here are the pictures.
Really cannot sue us leh.
Somehow when she said "cant leave without euu", my first thought was: Where are you going, sweetheart? Since you're lost, just stay there and wait for rescue alrite.
Then again, I felt it was more of because she misspelt "live" and thought it was supposed to be "leave" instead.
Oh well, she says she's lost. Sure.
They're all lost too. And they get an Emmy for that. She gets peanuts and crackers.
2) The Ghost.
Do you believe in ghosts? I've found a girl who does on Friendster, and she's using her superbly horrifying photoshopping skills to make herself ACTUALLY look like a ghost. Seriously, we at MOT think she looks like a cross breed between a kailan and a caixin wannabe.
First she tries to possess a little kid in the most stupid way a ghost could ever have done.
Then she decides posing as Pikachu is like, the OMG scariest thing on Earth.
I don't even want to bother to explain this.
And now she is the infamous twins connected at birth. Right.
BUT BUT BUT, with her being all that, that makes me the REAL sailormoon!
And just for the record, that's fucking not me.
3) The Real Bullshit.
Of course, there are those who tend to bullshit alot in their photos. They use up every known kawaii pose there is, she's left with her own imagination. And for all we know, twits imagination lies somewhere around.. T0ng hUax laNdd and t3cHnosIa0 ww0Rldd, which isn't much I daresay.
I really have nothing to say for this one. Really really.
I can't think of anything clever to even match this photo. Oh wait, IS THAT HER EX XIAObENdANz?! THE ONE THAT TWO TIMED HER? OMGOMGWTFISWRONGWITHTHEWORLD.
4) Xu Chun Mei lookalike.
Xu Chun Mei! We've found someone that looks omg exactly like you down here in sunny island Singapore!
"OMGZ ME?? AS FAIRYLIKE AS ME? GORT MEHSS.."
Duh, she's definitely on par with you on fairylike. She's got the chioest smile I've ever seen, she looks like she's
hungry in love!
I toldya she was beautiful. You could grow an Angsana tree on her dimples and no one would notice.
5) The Emo Suicidal One.
This particular account I've bumped into actually has a hand full of cuts as her primary photo! *GASPS*! SHE IS.. OMG.. A SADX SADX EMO GERX GERX. Although I cannot understand why she has so many cuts and they all seem so in the wrong places, I still decided to take the initiative and name the probably the only possible reason why each cut took place.
I don't know why, but the day ah di left Energy really cracks me up.
6) Show your Happy Valley!
Every woman is proud of their own breasts, especially when they're like a size bigger than Fiona Xie's. However I bumped into one who is just SO infatuated with her own cleavage, every picture she takes since to reveal some cleavage. Our grandparents taught us to take note of other's good points, and do not pay attention to the flaws. So I cropped out all the bad and left all the good just for your viewing pleasure.
It gets bigger and larger, doesn't it. However after much searching on the Net, we've found something that totally pwnz her shitty little valley.
Introducing, Josh. (I don't know his real name, but Josh will do.) :D
And so dear readers, you be the judge. Aren't twits cool?
Stay tune to MOT for more action as we bring you more twits to give a netkick. Just to start the ball rolling,
/me kicks the LOST girl.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Poseurs See Poseurs Do
My first post in many weeks, I hope its worth your time reading. If its not, OH I FEEL FOR YOU, REALLY. *oppprrraaah*
Twits are people with horrid fashion sense.
I'm sure that's a statement everybody who reads this agrees with, and that is why they have a fashion of their own. Or in their words, "e hIp aNd uNiQuE sTyLezXz". They revolve around Von Dutch imitation shirts, PMK pink tees and the free tote bag that comes along with it, anything with mickey or hellokitty on it. Jesus, they even sink so low as to steal their accesories from Popular.
Then all the music and personality shit comes in, which IMO is rather disturbing. Twits get exposed to MTV and suddenly everyone wants to be ang moh pai and when Avril came into the scene everyone wanted to be sk8er boi n g3rLx. Then came tata young and every girl just wanted to be sExY, nAuGhtY aNd kEkeKex bItcHY. Suddenly pop rock was the in thing when Busted came out, followed by Simple Plan which made everyone whining in their friendster how sOrRy cOsH dEy cAnT bE pUuUUrfEct. People said Simple Plan copied Busted but MOT thinks they're a whole truckload of bullshit and sappy whining gone wrong anyway.
Good Charlotte and Greenday made their appearances on MTV and twits flocked to them. Pop rock didn't appeal to the Tong Hua loving losers no more. Everyone wanted to be pUnK rOck nOrhs and tHe aMeRicAn iDiOt. Twits preferred Good Charlotte though, because they were juggling between emo, punk rock and gothic, a walking disaster. And for all we know, twits like it this way, because it just gives them more variety to choose from.
Omg, like GOTHIC, EMO AND PUNK ROCK LEHS. 3 different combination the twits can combo here combo there and OMGOMG, they become the head banging, life hating, wrist cutting
loser loners with thick thick eyeliner.
You could say it this way, any band that a twit falls in love with is doomed for the pits.
Music has also invoked alot of rubbish into twit's fashion nowadays. They like to cOmBo their dressing style, so its like, pink top, green skirt and grey shoes. Now that they're being exposed to all the uber kEwL genres of music, take a stroll down Orchard road and be amazed at how almost everyone has a pair of emo specs.
Even if you have perfect eyesight, you die die lagi lagi must get a pair of emo specs. So that you'll look like an emo kid and you can do stupid stuff at home like..
How the FUCK can anyone be so sick of life, start cutting their wrists because its all unfair and then have the mood to pose nice nice and take picture so they can put it up on Friendster for the whole wide world to see. Let's face it, people who do that are merely doing it for ATTENTION. Just like how the fella who murdered and chopped up the victim's head and left it in some supposedly super ultraman secluded place, behind Orchard Mrt station.
Punk rock is totally another story, but just as disgusting. I was in town once and this twit clique (as bad as it sounds, its.. ok its bad) started getting hIgH because they are in town cHiOngInG and out of nowhere for no fucking reason someone starts to do the \m/ sign.
Right about then, I felt like unloading twenty nukes on his fingers so he will NEVER, EVER do that again. Not that I've a thing against anything.
But its just so fucking annoying.
\m/: I'm feeling so overused by those disgusting twits I think I deserve to get annual leave and company sponsered dental.
Well \m/ lovers, here's my tribute to you --> _l_
Seriously, music is so complicated the way twits are screwing with it and every genre is becoming so overrated. The king of overration though, is the Breadtalk's Floss Bun, but that's another story altogether. Twits, you effin losers..
Go back to your tt3chn0o sIa0s l4ndd or your mEi li xIn sHi jiE n0rhss. We need less of your kind on this planet.
Maybe I can write a letter to the President and request for him to send the twits on an exchange programme with NASA and orbit them to some planet or whatever. Just not here.
**Some information contributed from fans: Kaarin and the PIEguy.
***Hiak. I'm not a music enthusiast anyway.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Thumbs-Down to Cyndi Wang
From far, an album stood out from all the rest. I thought I saw a clown on the cover. As my curiosity got the better of me, I was determined to go take a closer look. And guess what? Oops, it was Cyndi Wang!
What's with those purposely extended eyelashes anyway? And a crown!? Reminds me of an old post. Her hair awfully reminds me of a lion having messy mane after having hot orgasmic sex with a lioness. Nooooo, that's soooo not hot, alright?
AND what's more! Before you let yourself nauseate, look at this! CLOSELY! She has pinned alot of little toys on her top. Seriously, I have no idea what she is trying to do. Is it really the new trend Cyndi has set to brainwash the twits of the future to stick many irrelevant stuff on their shirt just because it makes them look like Cyndi, a.k.a a twit?
Why THUMBS-DOWN to Cyndi?
She's the role model of most bimbos! Well, look at her.
Umm, what? She's 23 already, hello. I thought that pose was reserved for the teenage girls on Friendster for their self-shot pictures. Right.. That pose is absolutely gay and you ought to agree with me. That expression on her face, she looks as if she's trying to poop yet a fan is trying to take a picture of her.
From "Ai Ni" to "Honey"... This girl seriously hasn't grown up from her childhood fantasies.
"Ai Ni" is the most stupid method of trying to widen their fanbase. If everybody read that, how could she possibly have enough love to love everybody? Then that would not be the tRuE lUrBe iN fAiwYtAiLz the twits crave for.
Below is the original lyrics that I've managed to track down.
Go on, download the song. Play it. Remember the tune. Sing to da lyrics. YO`
(gay music starts playing)
Horny ........ Horny ........
满满六颗星 往心里 微笑 哭泣
点一首歌给 你妈 甜言蜜语
多喜欢你叫 今晚 一起做爱
甜蜜点心 充满惊奇 都不会腻
Go marry yourself to Winnie The Pooh. He has that Endless Pot of Honey. It's always over flowing, never finishing. You 2 will live happily ever after imagining that Honey is Cum because Cum > Horny > Honey
As you can see, she even dresses herself up as a princess. A picture depicts a thousand words... I shall allow the picture to speak for itself.
Do you think she's innocent and all? I was surfing
-I luv Cyndi Wang although she got small breasts.
-look so cute.,iwanna have sex with her.She is so cute with her sexy tits and breast !
-I luv although she got small breasts and her sexy body make me feel like having sex with her.
-lol i luv 2 do sex wif her too if she do it softly
-if only i m her classmate when she were a child dn we stead n hope tt we can haf baby 2gether cyndi cumon dun b shy
-I would like to know her number.
I luv u sex with her.
she have a sexy body.
-I would to sex with her n be her mate 4ever.
-everytime i look at her pictures it makes me feel like strpping her nude and fucking her till i'm happy!
-I want her nude pictures and i want to touch her ass and breast and i want to bath with her and married her and sex with her everyday using condoms and take video and pictures of her taking out her shirt,skirt,bra and panty and give it to the public for free.
-Please send me more Cyndi Wang pics i oso want her in school uniforms..........
No one would have fantasies about ramping you if you did not present yourself as a whore. This was one of the more classic comments.
-u knoe that u are very prevert and stupid.but i also feel like sexing wif her.
Yes, now you get it? Those kind of people are what 70% of her fans are like. So now we all learn how Cyndi became so famous...
By the way, for those who would like to read more comments and wank yourself away while imagining Cyndi mopping the floor as it makes you horny, do visit the website
Speaking of uniforms. It seems like Cyndi have a fetish for them.
Are you guys wanking yet?
She even got herself a role in the mostgayouxiangjuever Xi Jie Shao Nian as a character who wears uniform! Wahlau! I wonder what conditions she'd agreed on with the director. It must be that she has to roleplay herself as a y0uNg aNd kAwAii jApAnEsE sCh0oLgUrL to the director each time after recording.
Still think she's innocent? Think twice.
To sum things up, below is the VERY evidence that says THUMBS-DOWN to CYNDI WANG.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
How To Do Your Friendster Profile
Seriously, this will be a very good guide for twits wannabes. Or already one, yet wanna get more ideas to make their own profile seem more fancy! Here are some very interesting things you should do to your profile.
Step 1. Go to Account Settings, change your First and Last Name to something really COOL.
E.g. t00tdollie, pyNkrAwkz, bAoBeIz, pUrrPletEaRs
Step 2. For the rest of the profile, click Edit Profile.
Step 3. Announce how much you hate your school.
Step 4. Write absolute nonsense in these fields:
Step 5. In the About Me section, include a short summary of yourself.
Try to make it sound as pathetic as possible. State if you're SINGLE or ATTACHED so people don't go on wasting their time reading if you're not available.
Step 6. Remember to boast about your height/weight and your stats if you like.
If you have it, then flaunt it. Even if you don't, just be confident.
Remember to add on with a full body selfshot picture of yourself standing in front of the mirror, preferably the reflection from underground MRT station doors.
Step 7. Write all your jiemui names down
Be careful not to miss any names down as it may cause an arguement to arise. Put those in gangs up in front, just to ensure when you get into trouble, they know they're your number #1!
Step 8. List your <3 lorves <3 and <\3 tao yans <\3
The 3 MUST-HATES: Backstabbers, copycats, liars.
MUST HAVE BACKSTABBERS. Its so important if you don't have backstabbers in your list of hates you will be condemned from the Friendster community. Backstabbers, REMEMBER.
Step 9. Say you love your boyfriend aka laogong.
Even if it's only for 1 week. After you 2 have broken up, remember to change your profile and whine how much you cannot live without him.
Step 10. Add a nonsensical phrase or two.
Best if it sounds sad and depressed, as if you want to die yet you don't dare to.
Step 11. End it with a copyright.
Print that out, bring it to NTUC, go and try scanning that barcode and see if it works.
Also remember to say be original, d0nch copy.
Step 12. Describe the people you would like to meet
If you want friends, put ANYONE. If you want friends but want to act cool, put Nobody, then leave a few lines and leave your email, MSN, blog address, handphone number, IC number and any other number that can allow people to identify you.
Step 13. And remind idiots not to add you.
Step 14. Include your email address.
An email you never created, preferably.
Step 15. Tell us when you last updated this profile.
Step 16. Ask people to write you testimonials.
Occasionally give one with a ROCK ON hand signal. That makes you look very rocker and Sylvester Sim!!!
If not, basically anything will do. They do not even need to make sense. You can use the testimonial page as your chatbox.
So what are you waiting for? Go make your very own twittish friendster account NOW and make new friends!!!
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